5 Ways to Make Me Hate (Texting) You

This blog is called “Here Are Things I Like” because I like an awful lot of things and want to share those things with everyone else. That being said, I am incredibly spiteful. So to let some of that steam off I’m going to do a series more appropriate for a blog called “Here Are Things I Hate.”

Here are five ways to insure that I will hate texting you… By the way, if you know me and think something here is referring to you, it totally isn’t. This is referring to other people. Never you. Don’t worry.

#1 Replying with one word

This one is obvious. This makes everyone annoyed, but more so back in the day when people actually paid per text and it was 10 cents per isolated smiley face. FYI, I text people too much. That’s a fact. The response to this is often disinterested and composed of a single syllable. Should I cut back? Yes. But you know what, “LOL” is not appropriate in every situation! I understand that you’re trying to signal you are done with the conversation… but I also know I have had basically the exact following conversation and that is not okay:

YES this image is fake

Adele and my Grandma

Everyone on the planet loves Adele. That is a fact. Schmidt in New Girl said it best when addressing Cece saying that she loves The Phantom Tollbooth: “Of course you do, you’re a human being.” Not so deep down, we are all hoping that Adele’s new boyfriend is just as terrible as her previous ones because we want another heartbreaking CD out of it. If you have never driven in your car after a terrible day crying along to “Someone Like You” then you are probably a robot with no emotions. When Adele made an acceptance speech at the Brits and got cut off, people actually complained that she didn’t get to finish what she was saying. When in the history of the world have people complained that someone accepting an award was kicked off stage too early? Never, but Adele brings out new facets of ourselves we never even knew existed.

Also, she doesn’t seem like someone we should cross

Crash Course in Cheryl Cole

Americans are really, truly missing out. We have some groundbreaking pop musicians here. We have Britney Spears, Lady Gaga and Beyoncé. We have Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber and probably some other guys not named Justin. I would trade every single one of these people for Cheryl Cole. Cheryl Cole is a British pop sensation, 1/5th of the incredible girl-band Girls Aloud and an absolute celebrity in her own right.

I have made everyone I know listen to her and look at picture of her and watch her interviews but now I need to spread this love to more people because it is finally happening – Cheryl is coming out with a new album! Seeing pictures of the video shoot and reading lyrics has got me too excited to keep her to myself anymore. Americans, get ready. This article will be told mostly in pictures and videos because that is how Cheryl is best experienced, clearly. You’ll thank me for it when you’re done.

YOU ARE WELCOME

Read this, not that

Reading in any form is great. Reading something insanely popular is no less valuable than reading something more obscure, I’m just aiming to provide some alternatives. In the vein of “eat this, not that,” you don’t need to take things out of your reading diet completely, merely consider substituting in some other options. Everyone loves mashed potatoes and nobody eats mashed cauliflower instead even though health nuts tell us they are totally the same and we just need to take the plunge. I dislike change but love cauliflower. These recommendations are for if you do want a little change in your diet after you’ve finished all your favorite series.

With the recent success of The Hunger Games movie leading to increased interest in reading the books, I realized that advertising is just as important for books as for anything else. Everyone’s heard of The Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Twilight. So that’s what everyone reads.

I don't think this girl got the memo